2020 has be so difficult and 30s hit me hard. Yes due to Covid.
Covid make up all upside down. Normally since 2016, I will be looking forward for my trip to Japan to watch concert. Been going there every year and sometimes thrice a year.
Same goes with 2020 when they released STORY 's concert dates. I was so looking forward. Prepared all the money as much as I can. Booked a two ways flight. At the same time I always scrolled on weibo to see the latest Corona Virus news if its spread to Malaysia already.
February, all still good. Our trip still on discussion. I made a plan, a very good plan. I want to drop by at Aokigahara to snap photos. Visiting my God Family in Kobe for 2 days. Back to back Kansai to Tokyo. Hit the ballot for 4 concerts and paid all the tickets.
March, MCO announced. Yet my financial is okay. My salary is ok. after 2 weeks MCO, i need to starts working in the site with letter. It was all okay until my bias's activities got suspended. I am still fine since its just a suspended. Then SA emailed to refunded the flight tickets. Ok my trip is gone! But I got full refund. Heartache from that, I used all my saving Japan money to buy a new camera, a new laptop, new iPhone and redecorating my room.
June, my bias announce that he left NEWS :( This is the hardest part in my life. Because i know i have to restarts everything. I started to feel numb, i started to feel alone and lonely. I started to thinks the purpose of life, I started to questioning myself. Then i started to blame everything surround me, i started to blame my parents for who i am today. I started to get easily trigger in whatever comes that makes me uncomfy.
I created a private blog and anonymous twitter just to curse myself. Whenever someone tells me about their achievement i will just curse me till i feel better. Whoever come across to that account i am so sorry for you to read that. Scrolled up SNS and seen most of my friend found their other half. But there are no happiness written for me. I have been thru a lot of heartbreaks and they who hurt me got their happiness as well. Why? I started to asked why and why am I still breathing?
oh well !!!! lets see how long till my last breathe. I am counting days till end.
idk wat to say..me myself still struggling till these very day :(
ReplyDeletetoo much tears in tis year for me but still grateful i made it tho it hard
stay strong ya n dont ever giveup!
i think we all has things that always in a heart kan.. benda ni tak ada nasihat yg tepat melainkan always sabar !!
Deletei will stay strong and you too have to stay strong ok !
I can not give advice because I am not in your shoes but I hope you can endure the heartbroken.
ReplyDeletethank you for this doa! hopefully one day dpt jawapan
Deletesemoga atie sentiasa tabah menghadapi segala cabaran dan dugaan hidup ini
ReplyDeleteamin, thank you thank you
Deletesemoga 2021 lebih baik buat kita semua!
ReplyDeletemoga moga kan kak syaz
Deletestay positive atie.. just luahkan jer.. jgn simpan.. berdamai dgn takdir.. please? tgu gift dr akak k
ReplyDeletewaaaa one of happiness dari kakmim! i am looking forward hehee
Deletewishing you happiness in life <3 stay strong
ReplyDeletethank you ayu!!!! i wish for your happiness as well
DeleteLife may hits you so much, but always pray to Allah, hope He ease your journey. Tiada pilihan lain selain kuat dan be strong!
ReplyDeleteamin amin!! thank youuuuuuuuu and betul.. tiada pilihan lain melain kan jadi kuat!
Deleteitu memang tanda yg tak bagus bila kita mula bandingkan diri kita dengan orang lain sebab tu i stop using sns. sorilah atie bab ni memang i tak reti nak bagi advice sebab i pun struggle dgn diri sendiri :(
ReplyDeletei kalau stop using sns nanti hidup terus lagi bosan cuma i byk habiskan masa fangirling hahaha ! itu ja happiness for now ... we all has to keep being strong!!! we can do this
DeleteAllah plans are better than ours. Ada himahnya, dapat fully refund dan beli camera, laptop, iPhone and deco bilik. Best tu! Yes, everyone has been struggling during the pandemic and MCO. Stress level upside down.
ReplyDeletebut please be happy. Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink of health :)
actually i should not complaning anything kan , sbb everything nampak mcm yes ! ok.. ada ramai lagi struggle tapi masalah hati ni, ishhhh tatau la kenapa nak kena ada HATI ! HAHAAHAH I WILL TRYING TO BE HAPPY AND ALWAYS BE ... thank youuu akak
DeleteHi Atie, keep strong and keep blogging. Dalam dunia blogging, kita tak kenal secara dekat siapa blogger itu, siapa blogger ini. Tetapi, kita kena fikir yang baik-baik dan sebut yang baik-baik, insyaAllah semua yang kita jumpa di alam maya ni semua baik-baik belaka. Hehe. Maaf baru marathon blogwalking hari ni. Hihi!
ReplyDeletebetul! even kita smua kena alam maya tapi we all supporting each other kan.. Alhamdulillah..... i will keep bloging :)
DeleteI am so sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time. Just keep telling yourself that you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am not saying that just because, but as I read this post I realised we have so much in common. I hope you don't mind me sharing my story in hope to make you feel less worse about yourself.
bought a two way tickets to California (to see BigBang at Coachella and visit my bff in Indianapolis, Chicago and NYC) and both flight and train tickets to Germany (to meet my cousin's newborn baby and continue my Europe trip) for 2020.
the first RMO, everything was still fine.
the 3 phase was the worse when everyone in my family lost our jobs and money started to runs out.
US spike covid cases lead the airlines to refunded my tickets aa well as others too.
Used up all the money I got from my US & EUROPE trip savings (from refunds) to pay the rents and our car and groceries. Until today...
I don't want to start on my mental health because it was not okay my anxiety went out of the roof thinking we might be homeless in a few months. But hopefully not.
I hope you will be okay and go through it with ease.
All the best to you and hopefully for me too. May covid be gone for good really soon so we all can travel again to see our loved ones.
P/s: sorry for the long comment :)
oh no honey, i am so sorry to hear all this... apa yg u going thru susah gila :( it betul kalau u starts with mental health nanti u kena consume ubat and so on.. omg i really hope u tak homeless babe... at least u all still have money to cover up all those expenses yg ada .. i really should not be complaining because my problem is actually nothing
DeleteI'm so proud of you that you managed each one trouble like you did. Keep on praying because the other half is out there and waiting to meet you. ;)
ReplyDeleteits because you were there always listening to my crap hehehe
DeleteSemoga tahun ini lebih baik ^^
ReplyDeleteKeep it up.. semoga dimurahkan rezeki selalu dan dipermudahkan urusan..
amin amin.. moga tahun ni lebih baik utk semua :)
DeleteKeep on going atie.. Atie masih bernafas itu tandanya Atie kuat.. Jangan mengalah.. Mungkin bukan sekarang tapi pasti akan ada.. Setiap kegelapan akan diganti dengan cahaya cuma mungkin belum masanya buat Atie.. Walau apa pun kesusahan dan kepedihan yang ditanggung jangan mengalah.. Akan ada yang selalu mendoakan Atie dari jauh.. Take care..
ReplyDeleteamin, thank you kak sha, kadang rasa mcm i am too overthinking and not having the things that i want bukan bermakna i can not be happy kan.. padahal org gantikan byk lagi happiness.. like family atie tak jatuh susah pun during pandemic, always gaji jalan mcm biasa... tapi nth apa yg hati ni rasa sedih sngt tatau... mengada2 kan kadang2 hati kita ni.. letih dah nak sedih.. moga this year i am more all out instead of duduk dlm bilik sedih sorg2 hahahah
DeleteSemoga terua kuat di tahun 2021 ya Atie sayang2
ReplyDeleteinsyaAllah.... rasanyaa semua lebih baik :)
DeleteSemoga apa yang tertangguh pada tahun lepas, akan dapat dilaksanakan pada tahun ini, Insha Allah.. keep on du'aa to Allah..
ReplyDeletehahahaha balik ke kampung yg tertangguh haha
DeleteAtie!! 😭😭😭 I just want to say to keep strong. I know it's cliché but I just want you to know that I support you and I think of you as my sister. And I know one thing that you are not who you are right now if you didn't go through it. And I just know that God give us purpose to live in this world. Just like in the movie SOUL, we need to find our sparks ^^ Ganbarimasu!!!
ReplyDeletethank you for thinking me as your sister... I will go thru all this and keep going... thank you for the advice and yessssss!!! we need to find our sparks as in movie soul ! :) ily !!
Deleteyou're welcome Atie 🥰🥰🥰 What doesn't kill you make you stronger, right? hehehe
Deletethat is so true!!!!
Delete